What? No sex!? C!R!A!Z!Y!, man. Very, very crazy. SEXUAL ABSTINENCE is complete and total crazy horseshit, and that, my lover-friends, is a lot of crap. SEXUAL ABSTINENCE is harsh and unkind. SEXUAL ABSTINENCE is an unnecessary, undoable fantasy wish "ideal." Chastity, celibacy, and virginity pledges, promises, and vows: horseshit, horseshit, all smelly horsedookie. Na-a-a-aay, no-o-o-o, not gonna not "do it."
Sure, all of the old gasbags love to clamber up on their version of the safe sex soapbox, blowing and blasting, loud and proud, in the name of SEXUAL ABSTINENCE, as their captive younger audience seemingly appears to agree. But, subsequently, if the budding young ones don't ... BEAT THEIR MEAT or HACK THEIR BUSH to relieve their normal, earthy, built-up, pent-up sexual desires, then inevitably, eventually, many will "falleth offeth the abstineth wagon" and will unfortunately be in worse shape because they haven't been enlightened on ANY OTHER SAFE SEXPLAY SKILLS at all. Mr. Abstinence Man, sir, you are sending your youngest brethren straight into "the cage of a raging hormonal lion" with just a not entirely convinced JUST SAY NO TO NOOKIE "impotent lollipop whip" for defense---"babes into the jungle." Am I being too allegorical for you?
Hey, dinosaur dudes, if you have the cojones to advise your youth to ABSTAIN FROM SEXUAL INTERCOURSE AND inform them that it is okay to masturbate, then now you are pontificating a MUCH MORE EFFECTIVE ANTI-REPRODUCTIVE TECHNIQUE. But, with that said, even then, MASTURBATION, whether solo or with porno, reeks a bit like she-it as well---on the social side of things. Well, I suppose, on one hand, MASTURBATION could be considered safe "sex," and, for sure, it's certainly better than NO SEX at all---come on, you all know better than to play coy with me regarding your secret undercover spank lives, as you thoroughly comprehend that an orgasm, ANY orgasm, is still: AN ORGASM!!!---but MASTURBATION, at best, could also be thought of as: D.U.L.L. S.E.X.. It's just not GREAT SEX.
So, la-di-da, let's all---without one, single, simple ounce of questioning---bow down, hail, and roll out the royal red carpet for the Grande Old Dame, Big Burrito, herself: SEXUAL INTERCOURSE, either with or without "protection." Traditional fluid-swapping is just super, isn't it, horny sisters and brothers? It feels soooooo nice, all hot, slippery and gooey, all heavenly and naughty---sweet, dirty, pure, nasty; oh joy, just the way the dogs do it, and how the hogs do it, and the goats---slip, slop, all happy, brainless, groovy delight. But wait a minute, wait a minute, we're not animals, are we? Are we!? Oh, never mind. Snort, snort, weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...
SEXUAL INTERCOURSE is CRAPPY CONTRACEPTIVE GAMBLER SEX. If you have faith in one more scary, fairy "ideal:" modern day "birth control" (BC), i.e., CONDOMS, CHEMICALS and ABORTIONS, CONTRAPTIONS and CONTORTIONS, all for the love machinery---then go for it! But, again, metaphorically speaking, "If 100 million or, oh I don't know, a really lot of people were to parachute off the top of a steep, jagged cliff, say, 2-3-4 times a week, and only 1 in a million, or maybe 1 in 10,000, or sometimes 1 in 300, or s-o-m-e-t-i-m-e-s 1 in 10 were to come crashing down into the ground, would you do it as well?" In other words: BC IS A LIE! Maybe not all, but much of BC should be called BD: for birth delay, because e_v_e_n_t_u_a_l_l_y, sooner or later, ... it's gonna fail.
Yes, of course, of course, OF COURSE!, the physical gratification of SEXUAL INTERCOURSE is quite agreeable---so is picking your nose, scratching your butt, or taking a big, healthy you know what---but with screwing, you MUST be ever-vigilant, ever-cautious, and ever-damned-lucky that "all falls safely into place." SEXUAL INTERCOURSE, the old in-out: an accident waiting to happen. Sure, if you feel comfortable "praying to white-coated, voodooian Gods of The Guinea Pigs (relying on the Docs)," then go right ahead and knock yourself out ... oops, my bad, I mean ... up. My call? I say that what they presently call safe sex is still rank and ripe: train-wreck sex. Yes, it is safer sex, but it's still not quite safe sex. Not really. Will somebody please open a window? STICKIN-IT-IN SEXUAL INTERCOURSE: overrated and overstayed.
Unless you are intentionally trying to have a child, then REFRAINING FROM SEXUAL INTERCOURSE is always an intelligent idea. But when all you want is to just enjoy a little, harmless, nonprocreative, recreational nookie for your cookie, every now and again, aren't there any better birth control and safe sex choices then to either becoming a Sex Life Quasher, or possibly Another Accidental Underprepared Parent, or a New Life Kibosher, or a Walking Talking Oozing Overflowing Sex-Bug-Filled Petri Dish, or a Doctor-Dependent Dupe, or having to quietly slink about in a Not So Grand Solo Self-Love Hand Parade?
O Great and Magnificent Universal Goddess Boddess, on behalf of the quite numerous Horny Citizens of Earth, younger and older, I appeal to your infinite wisdom in order to pop one of the biggest questions of them all, "Are there any other BETTER ALTERNATIVES to the long travails of tormented sexcapades upon Planet H.E.X. S.E.X.?"
Relax, my beleaguered, romantically captivated friends, for the greatest yet, NO BS BC/SAFE SEX is available to all, right here, right now. Mercifully time-warped 500 years back from the future: TELEPATHIC MIND SEX, MULTIPLE SMARTNERS, and SEXUAL SOULMATES, aka NEPTUNE SEX. You know---it's how them there aliens do it. The good ones, that is. It's 100% ABSTINENCE, ACCIDENT, ABORTION, STD, DOCTOR, PILL, SHOT, IMPLANT, CONDOM, and BOREDOM-free. ABSOLUTELY THE FUNNEST AND SAFEST SEX POSSIBLE---the new moral contraceptive. We don't need no stinking condoms. Nonrubbered lovers.
Sure, all of the old gasbags love to clamber up on their version of the safe sex soapbox, blowing and blasting, loud and proud, in the name of SEXUAL ABSTINENCE, as their captive younger audience seemingly appears to agree. But, subsequently, if the budding young ones don't ... BEAT THEIR MEAT or HACK THEIR BUSH to relieve their normal, earthy, built-up, pent-up sexual desires, then inevitably, eventually, many will "falleth offeth the abstineth wagon" and will unfortunately be in worse shape because they haven't been enlightened on ANY OTHER SAFE SEXPLAY SKILLS at all. Mr. Abstinence Man, sir, you are sending your youngest brethren straight into "the cage of a raging hormonal lion" with just a not entirely convinced JUST SAY NO TO NOOKIE "impotent lollipop whip" for defense---"babes into the jungle." Am I being too allegorical for you?
Hey, dinosaur dudes, if you have the cojones to advise your youth to ABSTAIN FROM SEXUAL INTERCOURSE AND inform them that it is okay to masturbate, then now you are pontificating a MUCH MORE EFFECTIVE ANTI-REPRODUCTIVE TECHNIQUE. But, with that said, even then, MASTURBATION, whether solo or with porno, reeks a bit like she-it as well---on the social side of things. Well, I suppose, on one hand, MASTURBATION could be considered safe "sex," and, for sure, it's certainly better than NO SEX at all---come on, you all know better than to play coy with me regarding your secret undercover spank lives, as you thoroughly comprehend that an orgasm, ANY orgasm, is still: AN ORGASM!!!---but MASTURBATION, at best, could also be thought of as: D.U.L.L. S.E.X.. It's just not GREAT SEX.
So, la-di-da, let's all---without one, single, simple ounce of questioning---bow down, hail, and roll out the royal red carpet for the Grande Old Dame, Big Burrito, herself: SEXUAL INTERCOURSE, either with or without "protection." Traditional fluid-swapping is just super, isn't it, horny sisters and brothers? It feels soooooo nice, all hot, slippery and gooey, all heavenly and naughty---sweet, dirty, pure, nasty; oh joy, just the way the dogs do it, and how the hogs do it, and the goats---slip, slop, all happy, brainless, groovy delight. But wait a minute, wait a minute, we're not animals, are we? Are we!? Oh, never mind. Snort, snort, weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...
SEXUAL INTERCOURSE is CRAPPY CONTRACEPTIVE GAMBLER SEX. If you have faith in one more scary, fairy "ideal:" modern day "birth control" (BC), i.e., CONDOMS, CHEMICALS and ABORTIONS, CONTRAPTIONS and CONTORTIONS, all for the love machinery---then go for it! But, again, metaphorically speaking, "If 100 million or, oh I don't know, a really lot of people were to parachute off the top of a steep, jagged cliff, say, 2-3-4 times a week, and only 1 in a million, or maybe 1 in 10,000, or sometimes 1 in 300, or s-o-m-e-t-i-m-e-s 1 in 10 were to come crashing down into the ground, would you do it as well?" In other words: BC IS A LIE! Maybe not all, but much of BC should be called BD: for birth delay, because e_v_e_n_t_u_a_l_l_y, sooner or later, ... it's gonna fail.
Yes, of course, of course, OF COURSE!, the physical gratification of SEXUAL INTERCOURSE is quite agreeable---so is picking your nose, scratching your butt, or taking a big, healthy you know what---but with screwing, you MUST be ever-vigilant, ever-cautious, and ever-damned-lucky that "all falls safely into place." SEXUAL INTERCOURSE, the old in-out: an accident waiting to happen. Sure, if you feel comfortable "praying to white-coated, voodooian Gods of The Guinea Pigs (relying on the Docs)," then go right ahead and knock yourself out ... oops, my bad, I mean ... up. My call? I say that what they presently call safe sex is still rank and ripe: train-wreck sex. Yes, it is safer sex, but it's still not quite safe sex. Not really. Will somebody please open a window? STICKIN-IT-IN SEXUAL INTERCOURSE: overrated and overstayed.
Unless you are intentionally trying to have a child, then REFRAINING FROM SEXUAL INTERCOURSE is always an intelligent idea. But when all you want is to just enjoy a little, harmless, nonprocreative, recreational nookie for your cookie, every now and again, aren't there any better birth control and safe sex choices then to either becoming a Sex Life Quasher, or possibly Another Accidental Underprepared Parent, or a New Life Kibosher, or a Walking Talking Oozing Overflowing Sex-Bug-Filled Petri Dish, or a Doctor-Dependent Dupe, or having to quietly slink about in a Not So Grand Solo Self-Love Hand Parade?
O Great and Magnificent Universal Goddess Boddess, on behalf of the quite numerous Horny Citizens of Earth, younger and older, I appeal to your infinite wisdom in order to pop one of the biggest questions of them all, "Are there any other BETTER ALTERNATIVES to the long travails of tormented sexcapades upon Planet H.E.X. S.E.X.?"
Relax, my beleaguered, romantically captivated friends, for the greatest yet, NO BS BC/SAFE SEX is available to all, right here, right now. Mercifully time-warped 500 years back from the future: TELEPATHIC MIND SEX, MULTIPLE SMARTNERS, and SEXUAL SOULMATES, aka NEPTUNE SEX. You know---it's how them there aliens do it. The good ones, that is. It's 100% ABSTINENCE, ACCIDENT, ABORTION, STD, DOCTOR, PILL, SHOT, IMPLANT, CONDOM, and BOREDOM-free. ABSOLUTELY THE FUNNEST AND SAFEST SEX POSSIBLE---the new moral contraceptive. We don't need no stinking condoms. Nonrubbered lovers.
Responsibly and wildly hookup nonphysically--- TELEPATHIC MIND SEX style---with a powerful, polyplaypalian pleasure-pig today. Suuuuuuuueeee! It could be the most foulest and sweetly scented SANE SEX that you'll ever experience in your entire lives. Rotten sex is no longer ... the only option.
Fresh air: for the freeaks.
XXX JOHNNY NEPTUNE, Changing the fucking world. 5/14/2514, draft #49 3/17/2521
Fresh air: for the freeaks.
XXX JOHNNY NEPTUNE, Changing the fucking world. 5/14/2514, draft #49 3/17/2521
